Thirteen years ago I was 20 years old. TWENTY, I tell ya…and I thought it'd be a good idea to get married. I mean, how hard could it be? but crimeny it was hard. Even though we rarely fought..I fought a lot of demons of my own over the years. I wrestled with my role as a wife, as Mark's wife…I lamented the loss of my identity when it seemed to disappear with motherhood and "honoring thy husband". I struggled with my own insecurities and doubts…I thought that I would get married and everything would be okay. Not perfect, but better than what I was dealing with. but marriage is work, everyone says that but noone says exactly what kind of work, and I was young and naive and lazy and spoiled.
Flash forward to 2008 and I am sitting in the same room as my husband. The tap-tap-tap of my fingers on the keyboard echo the tap-tap-tap of his fingers on his keyboard across the room. We are the disgustingly happy couple that can handle hubby-works-from-home and not kill each other. In fact, with the new baby I have never been happier to have another grown-up in my space. All of these years later I have reconciled what I thought my life would be with what my life actually is. I am honored to work hard at this thing called matrimony…I will work hard at this marriage until it is no more…because it feels good to have something so successful and know that it is the way it is because you worked at it. This didnt just happen…and if left solely up to me it would have shriveled up into something unrecognizable because I wasnt ready to put in the time. I'm not the most motivated when left to my own devices.
…but these past five years, especially, have been enlightening and educational. We have become a team, nothing super-hero about us..just two people that decided that this marriage is 100% worth whatever it takes to be something that our kids will grow up and want for themselves. We have organized our life into priorities that we both agree are worthwhile and we have never been happier. We are blessed beyond imagination.
So many things have occured in the last 13 years…so many laughs, tears, head-scratching confusion and joy…that I couldnt even begin to mention them all…but I will sum it up with this..
On our second date, Mark and I went to a local taco joint. We were standing at the counter and I was upset about something stupid and was probably being a bit "drama queen" about whatever it was. Mark leaned in, without saying a word, and kissed me softly on the forehead. Nothing sexual, nothing out-of-line but something genuinely kind…and it touched me so much that I remember it today. He didnt play into my drama. He didnt try and tell me what I wanted to hear… with one little kiss I felt safe and secure and all of these years later I feel the same way only more so. I know that no matter how crappy my day might be…Mark will be there to make me laugh. I know that no matter how sick the baby might get…Mark will be there to hold me up. I know that no matter how silly I can be…Mark will laugh at my jokes …I know that no matter what…he will be there. There. Here. Everywhere. He has never let me down when I have really needed him…and trust me, I have needed him a lot in 13 years. He has put up with a lot from me..I dont claim to be the perfect wife…but one thing I know for sure about Mark is that he doesnt expect perfection. He expects you to try your best. I'd like to think that I give him my best now…because I have never ever had anything but the best from him.
Happy Anniversary Mark.
I love you.