We are back home and happily settling back into a routine. Corrigan seems happier and healthier than he has in weeks and this make me wonder if the "high but not believable" ammonia numbers of the past few week's visits have not been accurate after all. Doctors kept telling us that while his ammonia numbers were high…that his other numbers did not support such high ammonia. Now, after having been hospitalized with high ammonia numbers that still do not match up with his other numbers I am pretty convinced that his overall fussiness this past month might have been due to pressure/pain from hyperammonemia and not colic or "witching hours"
Of course, this breaks my heart because had we taken more pro-active steps a few weeks ago he might not have suffered…it would have meant a hospitalization either way…but we could have corrected whatever was out of balance much sooner.
Now that we are home with everything adjusted he is so pleasant and sweet-tempered. In the past two days he has rarely cried at all and certainly none of those hours-long scream fests that I was white-knuckling my way through previously. The smiling face, above, is exactly what we see everytime we make eye contact with Corrigan. He waits patiently for us to get him after his naps and lights up when we arrive in his field of vision. He is cooing so much more every single day and I am convinced that he will be laughing in the next few weeks. He already manages a few inadvertant chuckles once in awhile and Mark heard him laugh in his sleep one day a few weeks ago so he can do it…just not consciously quite yet.
Connor has started guitar lessons and is doing really well. His "big" birthday present from Mark and I was his new guitar and we have finally had the chance to line up some lessons for him. It was hard to figure out what the best day of the week would be for him to learn due to the unpredictability of Corrigan's situation but we had to take the leap and sign him up. He has had two lessons under his belt and I watch him practice…fondly recalling my own first few lessons on the violin many many ( let's not say HOW many….ahem) years ago. I remember how frustrating it was to learn so slowly when all you want to do is play something recognizable but Connor knows that the fundamentals are very important and that these next 6 months or so are crucial to his future skills. I have not met his teacher yet but Mark says that he is very kind and patient and comes well recommended. I am thrilled that Connor has something "for himself"…something that will build his confidence and creativity. My hope is that he finds a deep love for the instrument and I daydream that maybe one day he will use his talent in some sort of Youth Music Ministry.
School starts back up on Monday and I do not think that any of us are ready. It feels like this summer has been a blur. While Mark and I have tried really hard to make this summer fun for Connor I feel that, due to the new baby, he really missed out on some stuff but we did the best that we could. He spent time with his cousins in Virginia and his PapPap in Maryland and Mark has made sure that the past few Saturdays have been "man time" together…so he has had many good times but we fight with that parent-guilt that we are not properly dividing our time with both kids. Of course, Connor is totally aware that any new baby, let alone one with a chronic health situation, requires tons of energy I do not think that he was prepared for exactly HOW much time Corrigan needs. Heck, *I* forgot how much time and energy a baby needed!
We have prayed really hard about it and tried to really evaluate how we are doing in regards to this situation daily…I know that I pray that I will be the very best mother that I can be to both of my kids, know their needs and fill them equally, but I cannot be perfect all of the time. I only hope that we did enough.
Big C is going into middle school and I am both excited and scared for him. I know that middle school was a minefield for me but I think that boys have it a little bit easier than girls do in respect to the middle school drama. I asked Connor what his biggest fear about middle school was and he told me that he worries most about the homework. Connor is an excellent student but not the least bit quick about it. He has always been the last one finished during all of his tests in elementary school but his teachers never complained because he was not being pokey…he was being precise. I had a teacher tell me, once, that she had never had such complete and well thought out answers from a student of that age before but that she worried how that would affect him when his test time was more limited as he got farther along in his school years. That is what we are facing now. Having to tell our precise/prefectionist child that he needs to cut it back, scale it down…do not be SO thorough…be less.
It is gonna be a wild ride.