tap tap tap

It has been a month since I last posted and it isn’t because I forget to do so, I just really don’t feel like posting anything and forcing it won’t help it feel important to me anymore. There isn’t any interaction from the blog any longer, it has been more than a year since a new family has found this blog after a new diagnosis and reached out.  No one comments anymore.    For years I have been told that people have been advised to avoid me and my blog but they would still find me in one of the support groups on Facebook and quickly learn that I’m not a dangerous person spreading misinformation and we would build friendships that way, but I left all of those support groups in January and my exposure to the UCD world is pretty limited these days.  Honestly, I have no idea what is going on with anyone in the community anymore, and judging by my blog stats, no one cares what is going on here on this end either.

Which is fine, truly it is.  It takes the pressure off of me to post when I don’t feel like it and because I have never had blog advertisements, taking a month off now and then doesn’t matter a bit.  None of this really matters a bit.  The blogging part, that is.

What matters is what happens offline, the stuff that I don’t share, and currently that stuff is kicking my tush.  The pendulum swings wildly in regards to behavioral problems with Corrigan, and it has swung far away from anything resembling good news, that’s for sure.  Things are hard.  He is struggling in school. He is struggling at home.  He is becoming more physical in his moments of distress and we are at a loss as to how to curb all of this before we have something out-of-control on our hands, with absolutely zero instruction or advice.  But he has been healthy and out of the hospital for almost 12 weeks now and that is amazing.

The regular “hard” life stuff is the same stuff that many of you might be dealing with and none of it is blog worthy,  it’s just more wah, wah, woe is me garbage that no one needs to hear.  My life is hard. (to me)  It is complicated. (to me)  but I am still the epitome of “first world problems” in comparison to the struggles of most of the rest of the world.  My house is warm, I’ve never gone to bed hungry and right now, my kids are healthy.  I have a lot on my mind but not so much that I don’t realize that the really important things are okay.

I suppose that is all I wanted to say here, just in case anyone was wondering. Things are okay, in that “grand scheme of things” that people always reference.  I’ve always had a hard time with the big picture, but I know there is one out there.

Staying positive, except when I’m not, I am perfectly flawed and absolutely exhausted.

I hope that you all are well.